Beg Business
Nominations for the inaugural class of the Panhandler Hall of Fame
By Jeff Ruby
Everywhere I go in Chicago, I seem to be greeted by panhandlers. I attract them to such a degree that I've kept a journal chronicling our interactions over the years. A few of them have stood out, for their ingenuity, style, or brazenness. Here, I nominate the seven most memorable recurring characters for the inaugural class of The Closer's Panhandler Hall of Fame.
Illustrations: David Fullarton
This article appears in the July 2008 issue of Chicago Magazine.
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Reader Comments:
What about the woman outside the Wendy's next to the Chase building? "How you DOIN' today - STREETWISE!" She belts it out like a classically trained opera singer. Over. And over. And over again.
She's long gone now, but there used to be an old lady outside of the Century Mall on Clark who was beloved. Anyone who didn't give to her was a jerk.
There are so many greats, how can you pick just a few. You don't seem to have a Loop representative such as sleepy wheelchair guy, accordion guy, woman with child or large man on knees begging.
I can remember a time when no self-respecting person would admit they were on the dole let alone beg for money. I suppose some people think our society has improved since then.
Sleepy Wheelchair Guy is a legend! definitely.
The dole? Um, I don't think there's a dole in America.
Selling Streetwise is not panhandling. It helps people avoid panhandling by giving them work selling a legitimate product, just like selling the Sun-Times or Tribune. I'm not a big fan of Streetwise's paltry content, but I appreciate the intent of the venture.
Some years ago, I remember a case where a guy came to work from the burbs without his wallet and was fired when he arrived at work. Well dressed, he started to ask for money to get home. He did so well that he came downtown every day dressed well and pahhandled for a living.
That sounds like an urban legend. Snopes, anyone?
What about Crazy Mary on Rush St? The woman has been a fixture for at least twenty years and maybe the most colorful character in the city. The stream of four-lterr words and oobcene gestures this woman has in her arsenal would have made the recently deceased George Carlin blush.
1. The Precise Panhandler. Guy who lives/hangs out at one of the halfway houses around my place in Bryn Mawr. Used to ask me for 35 cents, 40 cents, 70 cents. Now standard amount is a dollar. Inflation. Also, his buddy who asked me if he had asked me for money before, I said yes, and he moved on. Apparently he takes inventory so as not to duplicate his actions.
2. Everybody's Buddy Panhandler. Guy used to hang out near where I worked. Came up to me the first time and pretended me knew me, like we were friends. I realized halfway through I didn't know this guy but gave him a buck anyway. He apparently forgot he hit me up once before because he did it several more times.
3. Dapper Panhandler. Guy wearing a clean, decent suit, hat and carring a clean suitcase. Said he lost his wallet and had to get back to the airport. Over the years the hat got a little beat up, the suitcase got ripped but he was still on his way back to the airport.
4. New favorite: Fairly young kid sitting on the sidewalk outside of Old Navy on State Street. Alternately askes for money for food, plain old food or subway fare. The most sorrowful voice I've heard from a panhandler.